I am not a tidy person.
There! I’ve said it! My guilty secret is out!
Now, don’t get me wrong. I like tidy. In fact I envy tidy. It’s just that I don’t seem to be able to maintain tidy.
It’s a bit of a puzzle to me. I think I’m logical. I feel quite organised. So why don’t I look organised from the outside?
This month I’ve found myself starting to rectify this situation. I often find September a bit of a struggle; it can feel like a month in which I’m somewhat out of control. I think one of the problems is that September always seems so far away from the rest of the year – it comes after a long holiday. Because of this, I’m very happy to schedule heaps of stuff, and say “yes” to all sorts of things – because anything seems possible when I’m looking at September from the other end of the summer holiday telescope. And then September comes, and I feel overwhelmed. I have too much to do, and I feel that I’m not accomplishing anything, or achieving all the things that I need to do. There’s too much in my head to think about and I can’t even get my thoughts around how to get it all into order.
And then this September, on top of everything else, I’ve found myself tidying! Instead of ticking items off those endless to-do lists, I find that I’m not doing any of that stuff. And weirdly, I feel better. I feel more in control. I feel that I’m achieving!
It reminds me of being at college, and having a bit piece of work to get around to. On a subject that I wasn’t really into, or didn’t feel that I knew where I was going with. Oh, I could procrastinate about getting on with that task for ages! It was often a relief to get given another piece of work that was even more disagreeable. Finally there was nowhere else to turn – nothing more fun to be distracted with… and as with most chores, once the first step was taken, it was never quite as bad as anticipated.
So maybe my tidying is just a reaction to September. Maybe it’s just another form of procrastination. But, do you know what? It’s not only “not quite as bad” as I thought it would be, I’m actually enjoying it. I’m enjoying taking the time out from the rest of my obligations. I’m enjoying the process of clearing things and creating order. I’m finding, that for me, the exercising of this control over my environment is actually really helpful to the creative process. I’m making space to work – both physically, and mentally.
Over the weekend, I moved on to helping my son tidy his room. He was overwhelmed and delighted by how different and spacious his bedroom felt, and his reaction was to begin to play in the space.
And in watching that response, I started to understand a bit of my own reaction to the process…
A tidy bedroom gives you space to play. A tidy study/workroom gives you space to work. Maybe a tidy mind gives you space to be creative?
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